I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize