she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
