I'm pants shitting drunk right now
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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