i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
