I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
