take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
