I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
