the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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