Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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