She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
