Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
