whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
