see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
