worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
