No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
