The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
