Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
