just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
