I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
