??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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