guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
