i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
