Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
