The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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