At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
