Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The beer is more important than you right now.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
