i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize