get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
