he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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