CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
