thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
