I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
