Having a random hookup so left but love u
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
