just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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