I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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