Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Can I color on your dick again?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I believe in your delicious
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
