You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
