The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
