On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
