Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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