I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
