Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
