Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
