If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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