The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
