I can't watch pbs sober anymore
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
