Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
