Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
