remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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