Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
