I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
