I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw a hot homeless man
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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