how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
