I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
