Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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