Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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