ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
