please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Did I show you my penis last night?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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