I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
