The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
