4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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