im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
