based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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