just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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