Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
