I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
