It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
