I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
