just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
false alarm. still invincible.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
