Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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