Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
