i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Please don't give away my fajitas
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
