I'm going to jail i love you
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
