Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
