I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize