woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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