we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
