It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
