a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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